Home - An Idiot Movie Review

Welcome Friends! Welcome to the second ever post of Idiot Movie Reviews. Last time, we talked about a movie I haven't seen, so I thought I'd throw you a curve ball and review a movie I have seen - TOO GODDAMN MUCH.

Yes, Home.

Sigh. Just looking at it makes me sick.

Home is about a group of idiot space aliens that have technology so advanced it borders on magic but somehow can't figure out personal pronouns.

It stars a bunch of people I don't care about. 

My daughter loves this movie. She loves the little girl (who's an idiot), she loves the stupid purple alien guy (who's an annoying idiot) and she loves the cat (who might be a secret genius). She loves the soundtrack which is both stupid and annoying and made by idiots. 

The movie starts out innocently enough, an adorable deplorable purple alien named "Oh" voices over about how his entire race is moving to their new home - Earth. 

And here's where the movie starts to lose me.

First, the movie makes it out like humans are just surprised that this massive alien fleet showed up. Like no one owns a telescope. Shit, we'd have seen this coming so far out that we'd have time to elect an idiot president who'd build a wall around the globe to... oh.

Anyway. the aliens arrive on earth and just take shit over. No resistance at all. They relocate all the humans to like Australia or some shit and just stick them all in an amusement park type of facility. 

Let's break that all down.

First, if you invade earth, you're going to meet resistance. I mean, look at Independence Day, aliens showed up, started some shit, we fought back. Sure we suffered heavy losses, but that doesn't matter. We're humans and more importantly we're assholes, we're not going to just surrender. But no, this movie doesn't depict the millions that probably lost their lives trying to resist these assholes. We probably threw some nukes at them too, but no this movie whitewashes all of that. It glosses over that idea so I had to teach my child about what happens when a group of animals invade the space of another - she has one less cat now but she understands what happens when a bunch of dogs get locked in a dryer with a cat.

Second, let's assume that the aliens (called the "Boov", even their name sucks) show up and the governments of the world did surrender, you still have a large group of redneck idiots that aren't going to go quietly, and these guys are well armed. 

"You can have my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead, oh is that cake?"

Finally, who'd be stupid enough to mix us all up? You can just go putting a bunch of Russian next to a bunch of Syrians, they'll never get on. The entire concentration camp for slave labor Human Relocation Center would turn into a war zone in seconds.

And that's the problem with Home, really, it's just so unrealistic. 

After the Boov take over attack earth, they start doing the stupidest things. They can't figure out how to ride a bike, must be garbage; they eat footballs. I mean, are these all knowing beings or idiots?

The main character, Oh, is the worst of the bunch. They call him Oh because when he shows up everyone says "Oh" as in "Oh god, it's you" or "Oh, fuck my life, you're here". I had to explain this to my kid too, not everyone who enslaves your entire planet likes you.

Anyway, so this dipshit Oh is so excited to be on earth he sends an invite through email to the entire fucking galaxy for a party at his house. And no one wants to go. This guy has zero friends. The problem, we learn, is that by sending the invite to the entire galaxy he has unwittingly invited the Gorn, who are trying to locate and murder the Boov because the Boov suck and the galaxy would be glad to be rid of them.

So in order not to be killed immediately by all the Boov, Oh has to run away and hide, because he's a pussy and can't fight. At this point, I paused the movie and taught my kid how to punch a jammer in the nuts, so that if she ever invites the entire galaxy to earth and her peeps are going to kill her for it she has a way to defend herself. My kid is already more worthy than this purple piece of shit.

Anyway, during his escape, Oh bumps into this little black girl whose name I don't care about. Now how fucked up is it that during the enslavement of the human race it's a little black girl that gets missed? BLACK LIVES MATTER YOU TWATS.

Anyway, little black girl is looking for her mom, whom we know is in the concentration camp. She agrees to help Oh get away from the Boov if he helps her find her mom. They take little black girls mom's car which Oh turns into a flying car by hooking it up to a Slurpee machine. 

Yes I know, this makes no sense, I told you, it was written by idiots. 

blah blah blah, they have adventures Oh deletes the email the Gorn come anyway turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding everything works out in the end.

At the end the little black girl finds her mom. Just her mom. No dad. Let that sink in for a minute. God damn, Dreamworks you racist!

In a movie so unrealistic that no blood is shed, where idiots have mastered gravity and space travel, where a car is made to fly using suger and ice, you think the little black girl could have a daddy. But no, it's unrealistic but we can't have you breaking your suspension of disbelief. 

Anyway, I guess the acting is okay. The Oh thing is voiced by some idiot, the little black girl by what I can only assume is a run away slave at this point since Dreamworks is so god damn racist and the cat must be voiced by Steven Hawking because it's smart enough to keep it's god damn mouth shut through the entire thing.

Idiot Verdict: Avoid like the plague. On a level of bad kids move to shitty kids movie, this ranks an 8. Nothing makes sense and the black girl is reminded constantly that she's 1. a girl and 2. black. Also, fuck Jim Parsons and his whiny ass voice.

I own: ZERO COPIES. Someone bought this for my kid for her birthday last year but we burned it in the back yard and watched the demons flee their host.

I have been your idiot, thanks for reading!